Home Contracting 101
It’s been two months since I started my kitchen renovation. I’m now on my fourth contractor (with two more on a list in case this one doesn’t work out) and not a thing has been done. The first contractor
Home Contracting 101 Course Syllabus
Instructor: TBD Office Hours: Mondays 1-1:15PM Office Phone: Don’t bother. Email Address: People still email? Class Hours: Tuesdays and Thursdays if I feel like it
Description of course: Home Contracting 101 delves into the intricacies and secrecies that cloak the world of home improvement contractors. In this course you will learn:
How not to return phone calls without feeling guilty
How to schedule appointments with a straight face, knowing you have no intention of showing up
How to decipher between the big “pay day” jobs and the small insignificant jobs so you’ll know when to blow off the small jobs
How to make a client believe you really do care about the renovation of their tiny kitchen
To introduce students to the fine art of misleading clients into thinking you will actually show up.
To provide students with the fundamental skills and knowledge of how to come up with excuses for being late, not showing up, and not returning phone calls.
To orient students on the proper way to handle a tape measure to trick clients into believing you really know how to use it.
Course Supplies Cell phone that doesn’t return calls Stub of a Number 2 pencil Expensive designer jeans 25 foot tape measure that only opens to five feet
Required Reading Precision Estimate Padding Promises You Know You Won’t Keep How To Lie With A Straight Face
Grading Plan Course work will be weighted as follows: Coming up with excuses 75% Not following through 25%
Attendance Attendance will be graded as follows: Four or more absences: A Three absences: B Two absences: C One absence: D Perfect attendance: F
Disclaimer: If you are a person of your word and are reliable, this course isn’t for you.