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Return This!

Not a fan of at least one gift you received this past holiday? Are you waiting in line to return something this very minute? If you’re a woman, chances are you might be.

According to a recent study by FedEx, about one-third of Americans, mostly women, will return a gift they received during the holidays. One-third! As an admitted “Return-Aholic” I get it. Maybe the gift didn’t fit, wasn’t your style or you’re never going to use it, so why clutter up your home. Regardless, what all these returns add up to is more than wasted money; it’s wasted time.


Everyone wants to give the perfect gift, claiming, “I know you and what you like!” Sometimes we’re spot on. Like tickets to Wicked on Broadway or orange mittens. But often – apparently a third of the time – we miss the mark. That’s why I’m a fan of occasionally giving gift cards. They may not be “personal” or “special,” but they always fit and they’re never returned.

The news said that

yesterday, the first Monday of 2014, was officially the worst day of the year. Aside from it being a Monday and the fact that the holidays are over and you probably already broke your new year’s resolution, it was the day most folks realized how much they spent on holiday gifts and how much debt they’re now facing. A friend said it took her until April of last year to pay off her 2012 holiday gifts and she predicts this year to be worse. Considering a third of those gifts she just bought might be returned, I’d say she’s right.

In appreciation of all the gifts most likely to be returned, below is a song to sing while you’re overheating in a long return line. It can be sung to the tune of “12 Days of Christmas.” To save time, I only included the final verse.

12 Days of Returning Stuff My Good Friends Gave To Me

On the twelfth day of Returning Stuff My Good Friends Gave To Me: Twelve cute kitten calendars Eleven gross cheese logs Ten tins of flavored popcorn Nine heavy fruitcakes Eight Chia Pet heads Seven self-help books Six fuzzy slippers Five ugly sweaters Four re-gifted bathrobes Three French manicures Two turtlenecks And a battery-operated cellulite massager

Returned anything this year? Do tell.

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